Dear Dakota, I Love You.

Ok so I know that it is technically Wednesday right now and I missed a day, but I worked tuesday, got home late, and Izzy wasn't feeling well---so no go on blogging for yesterday.  So for me, this is Tuesday... and I'm still in the game!  

Two years ago today (Tuesday) I was given the most incredible blessing of my life.  I became a mother.  

I had a heck of a time trying to bring him into this world.  I found this email the other day.  It really doesn't do the experience justice, but to give you a little taste....

...a few nights before he was born, I caught some sort of flu and started throwing up.  I ended up getting a Dr. appointment a day later, and when I arrived they did an ultrasound.  When they did the ultrasound, they found that all of the amniotic fluid was gone so they sent me straight to the hospital.  When I got there they hooked me up to an IV and gave me an epidural and started me on penicillin (for the flu thing that I had)... well I had a reaction to the penicillin, and my blood pressure kept dropping really low, and I was in and out of consciousness.  They switched the penicillin to something else, and I was still really sick.  Oh I forgot to tell you that I had a reaction to the epidural too.  My body went into shock from it and I was shaking for hours.  Anyway, when it was finally time for the baby to come, his shoulders got stuck.  The Dr. tried all sorts of maneuvers with no luck.  During this time, the baby's heart rate began dropping dangerously low.  Alarms were being silenced constantly.  I began to hear an urgency in the doctor's voice and then the nurses started moving really really fast.  Then a blue light started flashing and an alarm was going off.  At the same time, people began pouring into my room (yeah, dignity was out the door).  A nurse literally jumped up onto the hospital bed with me and began to push down on the baby (still in my belly) with her hands.  The doctor kept saying things like, "I need you to push harder", "I'm going to break the baby's clavicle", "where's respiratory?".  Finally after what seemed like forever, the baby was out and he was beautiful... but he was dark bluish blackish.  It was a creepy feeling.  It definately wasn't what I watched for nine months on the birthing channel.  The doctor didn't show me the baby, he nearly chucked him across the room to a woman who stuck a tube in him and began to breath for him.  Then he was gone and I was still laying there... getting put back together.  The next little while was a really long waiting period.  My mom stayed with me, and I bawled.  I knew that the blue light meant that the baby was dead, I never heard him cry, never saw him move even.  Finally this nice nurse brought in a bundle with an IV already attached, and told me that she wasn't supposed to be in there.  She was on her way to the NICU with MY BABY!  He was so beautiful.  He was fat and rolly and really calm and alert.  It really was love at first sight.  

After an entrance into this life like that, and a summer like we've had with this little guy, you'd better believe that I am so thankful that he 1. made it into this world and 2. is still here to make me smile everyday (most days ;).

I've been trying to reflect a bit today on Dakota's life to remember some fun things about him.  Since he was about 2 months old he has loved movies.  Lately I have had to ration the movies somewhat because he will go overboard if I let him, but it all started with Nemo.  Then it was Winnie the pooh, mickey mouse, the wild, Cars, and brother bear.  He'll do other things, but these are his favorites.  He loves his kissy bear.  This is just one of those complimentary bears that a child gets at the hospital if he has to go there.  It was love at first sight.  He wouldn't stop kissing the bear (hence the name).  He still sleeps with him, and I'm ok with that.  I think it's cute.  He loves his mommy and daddy.  He loves Izzy very much too.   

Happy Birthday big boy.  Love you!!!